i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
