When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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