made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
