I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
