I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
