as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
