He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize