I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
