By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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