i don't plan on having that self control this summer
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dignity is for republicans.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
