would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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