he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
