i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
