For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
