I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
