Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
