I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
my liver is dry heaving
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize