try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
