Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
