yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
How naked do you want me to be?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
