I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
