That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
