I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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