yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
