If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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