Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
