all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
