She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
