I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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