If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
