Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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