I am in a vortex of obligation.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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