I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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