i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
