your parents love me but you hate me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
