bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
