Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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