We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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