so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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