i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
