i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
