Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
