I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
