I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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