My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
