I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
