im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
