Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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