I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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