i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
