Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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