but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
