My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
