she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
