Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
