I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We have started to decorate penises.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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