If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize