Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
