I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
