i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
