i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
