I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
