I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
