Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
