So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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