whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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