I'm really into asian looking animals
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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