I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
