so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she looked like the before picture.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
