I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
