I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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