Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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